y did u give ur computer a hand job?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
