That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize