i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
