someone threw a dead crab at me
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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