So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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