Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
