well I can't set my house on fire every night
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
