We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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