Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize