Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
