If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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