he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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