My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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