At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
