are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
