he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
