I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
