Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
