I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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