I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
pop tarts are not kleenex
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
