You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Randomize
