just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
