Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
