I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
