You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
