Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I've blown a few things in my day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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