When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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