What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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