Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
