no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
