So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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