watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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