I just made out with a guy for $7.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
