I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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