TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
