Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
