Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
