Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I met the friendliest cop last night
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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