i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
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