i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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