saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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