A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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