It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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