my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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