Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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