Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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