omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
