what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
