haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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