Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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