I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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