I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
the condom got lost in my hair
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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