Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
