That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
