My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
