Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
