hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
