I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Two words: nipple clamps
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