Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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