"it" just moved
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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