I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
