So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
