sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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