sarcasm needs its own font
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
