soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
