She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
