He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
