so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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