Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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